So You're Becoming a Taur

So You're Becoming a Taur
Part of the Transformation Information Series
by GeneTech Inc.

This information pamphlet is meant to guide you through the difficult transition to a centauroid or "taur" body. Being a taur can be fun! Be careful and you'll prevent any "taurible" mistakes.

"Why Is This Happening?": Your Change
Many people have asked this basic question. In some cases, becoming a taur is entirely voluntary, thanks to GeneTech's cutting-edge TaurMe (tm) technology. In other cases, several national legal systems have alleged that our experimental nanite varieties are to blame. GeneTech assumes no liability for these accidental product releases, as any alleged releases were due to the actions of terminated employees, but is proud to offer free product support to encourage the Taur Lifestyle (tm) and make sure you are happy with the effects. Thus far, voluntary TaurMe (tm) users are limited to GeneTech employees, so if you're reading this, consider yourself a lucky "voluntaur!"

You may have been exposed at one of several "intaurnational" airports, or through your town's water supply due to inadequate "filtauring". We regret the inconvenience caused by the "perpetrataurs" but are excited about the chance to reveal our products to the world.

If you encounter taur-related changes in local wildlife (an unlikely possibility), please contact our Customer Support site immediately and drink only bottled beverages until the situation has been resolved. If you detect symptoms in yourself or family members, you may continue to drink local water without affecting the outcome.

Symptoms and the T(au)ransition

The first symptoms of TaurMe (tm) technology or as it is popularly known, the "taur virus", vary by individual and by the exact variant you received. Typically, you should expect a mild fever followed by fur growth beginning around the midsection, along with a spine extension that becomes a tail. Don't worry; that weird fleshy thing sticking out behind you will soon fill out with beautiful fur! Because TaurMe (tm) offers a wide variety of mammal species to choose from, don't be surprised to see leopard spots, skunk stripes, raccoon rings or various other fun animal patterns appearing on your body. In customers so far, it has usually been possible to guess the eventual species within 24 hours of the first fur appearance. No "human-taurs" have yet been reported, and our scientists are nearly certain such an option is impossible. (If you detect scales, feathers, wings, or signs of species hybrids such as griffins, contact Customer Support, as you may have been exposed to our most advanced and experimental nanites with a high chance of side effects.)

The actual taur part of your change should begin about an hour after your tail first appears. There are two known variants. The "Midpaw" nanite program causes an additional set of animal feet to grow out from your torso, then extends that torso while gradually bending your growing spine backwards into an L-like shape. The "Hindpaw" program keeps your current feet where they are, and extends your body behind you to include a new rear set of legs. In either case, this part of the change has been reported to take anywhere from a day to a week, typically 2-3 days. The unfinished taur body can be quite awkward, so we highly recommend getting help from friends and family members and trying to rest.

You may also notice side effects due to the many interesting features of TaurMe (tm) technology. Most new taurs report a series of vivid dreams over several days, that seem to ease them into the idea of walking on four legs and having an animal-like body, with dream elements such as fur grooming and athletic activities. These experiences are usually quite pleasant and are helpful for mental adjustment to the extra limbs. A substantial fraction of our inadvertent customers find that they are experiencing a change of gender as well as shape and species. You may find yourself substantially different "back there" as your taur half grows in! Not to worry; this transition seems to be encoded into the acclimation dreams as well, assisting you in feeling comfortable with your changing body. Psychological counseling is available from GeneTech for people troubled by this effect, along with discounts on our upcoming licensed transformation products (expected next year). Finally, striking and attractive color pattens have been known to occur, such as a blue raccoon body or a bright orange fox. If you experience other side effects -- which are all purely speculative and unlikely in nearly all cases, we assure you -- contact us immediately.

Living With the Taur Effect
Once you have adapted to walking, you will need to master other basic tasks. Most taur species created by TaurMe (tm) technology are flexible enough that you should be able to sprawl on your backs or curl around in other ways to reach most of your body easily. (Certain species such as horse-based taurs have less flexibility and will require additional training.) The taur spine is quite sturdy and mobile. We suggest mastering basic hygene tasks first, followed by dressing. A good start for clothing is to wear a shirt and a loose-fitting pair of swim trunks for modesty, with a hole cut for your tail. Some customers argue that pants are too inconvenient, but we do not endorse violating public indecency laws. (Our legal department expects to lobby for your freedom to wear what you please, but is currently busy in court with the alleged "taurrorist attack". Signing a liability waiver and accepting our generous assistance program will help us help you!)

Some other daily activities are more difficult with a taur body. Climbing narrow staircases, sitting on normal chairs, and other home and workplace tasks have led our customers to suggest an entire line of taur-friendly home furnishings. Due to the unexpected early product rollout for TaurMe (tm) technology, our Four-On-the-Floor (tm) furniture is not yet available, but feel free to place a pre-order and sign up for free product updates on "Twitaur" and Facebook. In time, we expect breakthroughs in home and office design that will make life more ergonomic for both taurs and ordinary humans.

Other activities are easier with a taur body. Most of our customers find they have increased endurance and running speed, and are excellent climbers. Check out our Web site for ideas on fun outdoor sports and exercise! We have also partnered with the FreedomBurg Resort and Otter Bounds Adventure Tours for customized, taur-centered vacation experiences. You'll make more friends than you can count on four hands!

Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Are there any [species]?
A: Check our forum for a running tally of known species and other social contact with fellow taurs!

Q: Is this contagious?
A: Fortunately, TaurMe (tm) technology does not spread from person to person, and inactivates in each new taur after the transformation is complete. Go ahead, give your friends a big taur double-hug!

Q: Will I be able to use these middle paw things as hands?
A: Some taurs gain thumbs on their forepaws, but these are not true hands and are not as dexterous. True hands would be too vulnerable to broken thumbs while running. Still, some new taurs are able to use computer keyboards with them, and most are able to use simple tools. If you find yourself growing hooves, you should also expect your actual hands to become somewhat hooflike, but don't worry; they will still be usable.

Q: I seem to have gained one gender without losing the other! Am I not done changing?
A: Dual-gendered forms are one of the many fun options built into TaurMe (tm) technology.

Q: Will I get telepathy/magic/superpowers?
A: GeneTech does not endorse occult beliefs or practices. No such features are known to be possible.

Q: What if I don't like what I've become?
A: You may be eligible for discounted treatment with other strains of TaurMe (tm) technology once our official product rollout begins. Sign up now to be notified when we're done checking the code to compensate for the alleged security breach by our former employees.

Q: I can't get away from all the taur puns, let alone being stared at.
A: Taurs are brand-new! You should expect a lot of attention and admiration, and unfortunately some "hate-taurs" who are the same people that laughed at you for buying the latest phone. You can handle some meanness in the world; you've got two hearts! In time the excitement will shift away from how novel you are, and you'll fit right in. Several celebrities have already asked to become taurs. If you face discrimination, our legal department will fight for your rights as soon as the lawsuits are resolved!

Q: Wait, two hearts?
A: Yes! Your exciting new anatomy is specially adapted for the Taur Lifestyle (tm). You should notice a dual heartbeat and a second set of lungs, located in your new "taurso". The health benefits of backup organs are just one of several advantages of TaurMe (tm) technology, along with optional USB data ports, skeletal reinforcement, built-in sunglasses, and other futuristic upgrades. Depending on which settings your nanites received, you might just get to be the first people to try out all-new features that are not yet available to the public! Be sure to report any cool, exciting experiences you may have as you master your new body.